It was a Saturday morning, June 1st, 2006,10:30 AM. I woke up in the hospital wondering what was going on, then that’s when the doctor and my mom came in.The doctor’s name was Jim, and he told me what happened and how I got here. He said “Jared you were knocked out by hitting the concrete, head first, your head split open.” I was very confused at first but then it came to me. I remember running and tripping over my other foot and hitting the concrete with my head first thing. I asked the doctor how long I was going to be in the hospital, then he said “for about 3 months.” So I had my mom call all my friends from school that I wasn’t going to be in school for about a couple of weeks or months. After 3 three months, I went home and took a nap. When I woke up all my friends were at my house….. I thought this must be my welcome home party. So I went to talk to my friends. After I told them what happened they all had a surprising look on their face. They had so many questions to ask…. and I gladly answered them all.
I think you did a good job typing it all out, but I think next time you should try to use a lot less dots. Other than that good job!
ReplyDeleteI think you did well also. Remember use third person point of view next time.
ReplyDeleteI liked how you used dialog and lots of detail, but make sure you use 3rd person next time. How do you remember that from 8 years ago? You split your head open, which is so disgusting.
ReplyDelete